The Truth About Truth

By Jane Oliver
     Community & Event Specialist

“Dear children, let us not love with words or speech, but with actions and truth.” 1 John 3:18

“The truth is still the truth, even if no one believes it.  A lie is still a lie, even if everyone believes it.”  There is an epidemic of Alethephobia in our culture—that is, “fear of hearing the truth.”  People often “fear the truth” because, many times, it is a blow to our ego, undermines our belief system, or it stings as a “narcissistic insult.”  Even as Christians, we shy away from certain Biblical truths that challenge us or make us uncomfortable.  The glaring problem with our alethephobia is that it keeps us walking in bondage as opposed to living in freedom.  “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples.  Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”  John 8:31-32

If someone you love were facing a life-altering decision, and asked you for guidance, would you provide them with as much solid truth as you could, or would you flatter them with lies or half-truths about their situation and impending choice to avoid hurting their feelings?  Would you help them to sort through the facts they KNOW to be true about the situation and explore the possible short and long-term consequences of their options, or would you avoid the truth to help them justify a potentially harmful choice?  Would you suggest that they pause and deeply consider their options, or would you encourage them to make a rash decision based on their immediate emotions?  Would you be considered a good friend if you did not counsel the person facing a life-altering decision with the truth?  Absolutely NOT!

If you or a loved one were advised to undergo a medical procedure of some sort--minor or major--would you ask questions of the doctor? Wouldn’t you be concerned about what the procedure entails, the possible side effects, risks, and complications, and what the expected recovery time and long-term effects will be?   I don’t care whether I am having a tooth pulled, an ingrown toenail removed, or a major “-ectomy,” I want to know every detail before I consent to the procedure, and I’m certain you do too!

 Care Net Treasure Coast and pregnancy resource centers (“PRCs”) around the country seek to be a good friend and to provide that momentary pause for women and men facing unplanned pregnancies in our communities.  We present the truth in love, without judgement, to those we serve. We provide a window to the truth inside the womb with free ultrasounds, resulting in 86% of moms choosing LIFE.  We walk alongside men and women as they grapple with one of the toughest decisions of their lives—and that of another--by arming them with the truth about  ALL of their options which ultimately empowers them.  The final life-altering decision is theirs, and we love them through it.  There is such freedom in that!  We are also there after the decision—for pregnancy support, post abortion recovery and healing, or adoption counseling, as needed.  We are pro-woman, pro-love, and pro-family.  We are non-profit, and all services provided are FREE. 

In contrast, abortion providers appeal to the world’s “alethephobia,” and are all about the profit.  In the movie, “UnPlanned,” (adapted from the book), the actress who portrays former Planned Parenthood (“PP”) Director, Abby Johnson, brings Abby’s deeply disturbing and revealing true story about PP’s agenda and practices to the public forefront.  The deception of women runs deep.  Practices like not allowing women to see their babies on an ultrasound screen, and using terms like POC (products of conception) for the fetus dehumanizes the unborn baby, and deceives women in crisis by misleading them about the truth of their choice.  Increasing abortion revenue is the primary goal.  Regarding PP, Abby Johnson says, “It represents a place women go and are left confused because they do not hear the truth about abortion and their choices.  They are in a sense abused by the medical procedures that are performed without quality medical instructions/information.  It’s a tragic place.” These practices harm women and men facing unplanned pregnancies.  Oddly enough, most abortion industry workers truly believe they are “caring” for women in crisis.  “Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  1 Corinthians 13:6

In 2017, PRCs provided almost 2 million people with free services at an estimated cost savings to the healthcare industry of at least $161 million annually (lozierinstitute.org).   Those services included pregnancy tests, options counseling, sexual risk avoidance education, parenting and prenatal education, ultrasound and medical services, community referrals, and material support.  Abortion providers are so vehemently opposed to PRCs.  Why?  Because we affect their bottom line when we empower both women and men to choose life, and to make healthy life choices by sharing the truth in love—now that’s the truth!  We would love for you to partner with us!

Wise as a Serpent...

By Sue Chess

      Executive Director

Have you ever wondered what made the serpent “the most cunning animal that the LORD God had made”?  (Gen. 3:1)  The word “cunning” has some very descriptive meanings; crafty, knowing, manipulative, shrewd, astute, clever, canny, sharp, resourceful.  So, when Jesus tells His disciples in Matthew 10:16 to “Listen carefully: I am sending you out like sheep among wolves; so be wise as serpents, and innocent as doves [have no self-serving agenda, AMP]—what is He REALLY saying to us?

 

The wisdom buried in that scripture was driven home to me recently in considering the power of questions.  This an incredible tool in any counseling situation or even home and business relationships. 

Some of us find questions very easy.  We may have a natural “need to know”, an emotional intelligence or intuitiveness that puts just the right question on the tip of our tongue.  But this is not true of everyone.  Sometimes even when we think of a question to ask it is closed-ended allowing “yes” or “no” answers that get us about a half inch beyond where we started.

My husband and I enjoy our eight grandchildren immensely.  Some tell us more than we really want to know, the veritable chatterboxes, but one in particular, stuffs his emotions tighter than a ripe tomato.  The concrete thinking of a child means he may have everything jumbled in his thinking.  How to get him talking and bring in solid reasoning?  Yesterday a question and answer session about his “editing skills” on YouTube opened the lines of communication.  Something I have no interest in but he loves.  To become “cunning” or “knowing” about him it was important for me to ask questions that he enjoyed answering.  I was genuinely impressed and let him know that, which opened the door to more conversations.

For this precious grandson as well as our clients at Care Net, questions can help them arrive at a conclusion of wisdom. It is a skill worth developing and the pathway to do so begins with being wise as a serpent but as innocent i.e. not self-serving, as a dove.   Most of us don’t ask enough questions, nor do we word them in the best possible way.  It is honestly a skill that is fading away in today’s online abbreviated communication.

In his 1963 classic, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie advised wisely that we “ask questions the other person will enjoy answering.”  When Matthew 10:16 tells us to listen carefully it means to gather “knowing” or become cunning about the person you are listening to.   All with the gentle intent of a dove.  The number one statement our clients tell us here at Care Net is that “we cared about them.”  That statement tells us that they are being listened to carefully.

Just this month, to name a few, we listened to the wife share that she’s afraid to tell her husband about the abortion in her background.  We listened and confronted the young man using Plan B as birth control for his younger girlfriend.  We listened and comforted the mother whose young daughter is pregnant.  We listened and instructed the “too-young-to-be-a-mom” girl who is raising her daughter earlier than she should have.  We listened and encouraged a mother dealing with mental illness that she can do the next right thing—even when it is hard.

What an incredible honor it is to be “wise as a serpent and gentle as a dove” in this crooked and perverse generation!

Blessings of an Interrupted Life!

By  Traci Bolden

       Center Director, Stuart

How many times have we been frustrated because our day didn’t quite play out as planned?  Maybe we were inconvenienced in some way or something unexpected happened that was just really bad timing.  These interruptions can serve as perfectly timed wake up calls to refocus our attention back on what is eternal and off what is temporary.

Some days God, who is sovereign, has quite the sense of humor and gently reminds us that He is in charge of our future.  Instead of frustration, our response should be one of joy where we embrace these interruptions as loving gifts from a loving Father.

There are many examples in scripture of God interrupting people’s lives.  

• David, a young shepherd boy, had his life interrupted when he was anointed by God to be the king of Israel.  Despite David’s downfall, God had a plan.
• Saul, whose name was later changed to Paul, was walking along one day on the road to Damascus when God interrupted his life.  Now we have most of the New Testament.  God had a plan.
• Mary, a young teenage girl, was going about her normal day when God interrupted her life. She found favor with God and was chosen to carry the Son of Man.  God had a plan.

We are grateful that these Bible heroes, who were chosen by the Lord to fulfill HIS plan and purpose for their lives, did not reject the call of God.  I wonder how often we are too busy to recognize God’s invitation to experience Him.

Every day before each shift at Care Net, we make prayer a priority.  We come together as a staff along with our volunteers and pray over each client that is scheduled.  We ask God to begin to work in their hearts before they even enter our doors.  We pray for each other because we understand the battle that takes place within these walls. Satan hates what we do and in order to prepare for war, we have to be fully armed and ready to intervene on behalf of others.  With expectancy, we ask God to interrupt our day however He sees fit.

God’s interruptions are often times clear invitations to something more significant.  Isaiah 55:8 tells us that “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.  “Andy my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine." God is inviting us to see Him all around us, in the lives of others, in our ordinary daily conversations, in our serving those in need.  Interruption is not simply a matter of the heart enduring or developing patience.  It is about experiencing true life in Christ.  It is one of God’s ways of allowing us to see that there is more to be done than our self-appointed tasks for the day.

When a young woman or couple comes into one of our Centers because they find themselves facing an unplanned pregnancy, we are thankful for the opportunity to serve them and offer them an

invitation to something significant.  They may view their pregnancy as an inconvenience or just really bad timing, but with the Holy Spirit’s leading, we get to talk with them about how God interrupts our lives with all kinds of wonderful.  God assures us in Ephesians 3:20 that "He is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us."

How did you respond the last time God interrupted your day? Have you thanked Him for saving you from your plans?  We may never know this side of Heaven all that God has done and is doing in our lives.  Such are the blessings of an interrupted life!

Stolen Security & Identity

 By Pam Durham

      C.A.R.E. Director

We all, in our humanity, suffer from independence.  We want to do it ourselves.  That independence is played out in our lives by searching for security and identity (value).  Our independent searching leads us to look for it in people, power, position, fame, wealth, pleasure, etc.  We buy into Satan’s trap (lie) that these things will give us what we are looking for.  But what it does do is create a stronghold. ¹

The stronghold of abortion steals the value of us who have had an abortion.  Our identity is now wrapped up in the LIE they believed the abortion would solve.  Our security is now either in proving their abortion was the right choice, or in the belief that we deserve whatever life throws at us.  Whether or not we knew Jesus (or about Him) before our abortion, we are now caught in this trap.  That lie led us to FEAR, “It’s up to me to solve this.  What if we… (don't finish school, can't get a degree, get kicked out of my home, etc.).”  Now we have to prove our decision was the right one.  We make VOWS to do whatever it takes to make it the “right” decision.  We have to do this...my value is now at stake.  Or, if we believed we deserve negative things, we look to prove our lack of value.  We look for the bad situations, people, substances, etc. to bring us down.  We feel we don’t deserve better.  Our identity and security are tied to failure.  This creates a MINDSET; false justification. We know the method we are using is wrong, but we justify it because our value is tied to it now.  We are so deep in the deception that now we are RESISTANT TO THE TRUTH.  Anything that challenges our false identity and security we push back against.  We become defensive.  We do not want the truth to invade our illusion.

Even though we accept Christ as our Savior, ask for forgiveness--even believe we are forgiven--that stronghold may persist; hidden behind the lie we believed.  We are heaven bound, but not free from the bonds that bind up our heart.  We are still held back by the lies repressed in our hearts.

This is the battle C.A.R.E. (Confidential Abortion Recovery Experience) is fighting against.  C.A.R.E. is about setting captives free.  It breaks my heart to see Christians walking around wounded and in chains; believing they are fine.  But not just the Christians.  So many lost men and women believing these lies as well.  My calling is “to proclaim good news, bind up the brokenhearted, proclaim freedom for the captives and to release the prisoners from darkness; provide for those who grieve, bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of despair.”²

¹ 2 Corinthians 10:3-5³ For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. ⁴ The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. ⁵ We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 

² Isaiah 61:1-3 The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor.  He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.  They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.

Are You A Good Listener?

By Rayma Zugel
     Center Director

I have been told that I can be a good listener. Maybe that’s why almost every job I’ve ever had has involved being around, and listening to people.

When my husband and I were first married, he was struggling with some real “ghosts” in his life as a result of being a Vietnam Vet. At first he didn’t share anything with me, but as time went by, and I just sat quietly, he learned he could share with me some of those “ghosts” in his life, and that I wasn’t going to offer him advice. Oftentimes people don’t need anyone to give them advice or try to “fix” things, they just need someone to listen to them.

Part of the training we give all volunteers at Care Net is a section called: “Effective Communication”. Part of effectively communicating must be listening. We actually give a handout to our trainees that is entitled: “How Well Do You Listen?” and ask them to honestly fill it out and grade themselves after. Here is the handout for you to grade yourself:

Instructions: Rate yourself on how well you listen using the following scale from 1 to 5.

1 = Never            2 = Seldom          3 = Sometimes       4 = Usually          5 = Always

After you rate yourself, total your score to determine how well you listen.

                 I allow speakers to complete their own thoughts and sentences.

                 I make sure that I have understood the speaker’s point of view before I answer.

                 I listen for the important points and for clues about the speaker’s feelings.

                 I listen without interrupting.

                 I am in control, relaxed, and calm when I listen.

                 I selectively listen, filtering out the messages that are not important to the situation.

                 I use listening noises to let the speaker know I am listening, such as “yes” and “I see”.

                 I keep my emotions from getting the better of me when I listen.

                 I keep my mind from wandering. Instead of thinking what I will say next, I really listen to and concentrate on what the speaker says.

                 I listen even when the speaker or the subject is uninteresting to me.

                 Total Score

38 to 50 = Excellent Listener   26 to 37 = Good Listener   13 to 25 = Fair Listener   0 to 12 = Poor Listener

(Taken from Care Net National’s Compassion, Hope, & Help Trainer Guide)

Here are some steps to help improve your listening skills.

• A good listener is attentive. They make good eye contact, don’t interrupt what the other person is saying and show an interest in what is being communicated.
• A good listener does not look over the shoulder of the person that’s speaking, waiting for someone more interesting to come along.
• A good listener does not check their phone, tablet, or watch in the middle of a conversation, when someone is sharing with them.
• A good listener is not waiting for their chance to get a word in.
• A good listener uses positive body language; leaning forward and showing an enthusiastic, relaxed nature. They don’t fidget, cross arms, look elsewhere or express inappropriate shock or disbelief at what’s shared.
• A good listener does not hurry somebody, but asks good questions to guide the sharing.
• A good listener does not approach a conversation with prejudice, expecting to know what’s going to come out of the speaker’s lips. They don’t listen with a pre-formed opinion but attempt to have an open mind to what’s being communicated. It’s amazing how much time is wasted with the belief that people understand what someone means without taking the effort and time to listen.
• A good listener cares. They show empathy for what the other person has to say. It’s genuine, authentic and comes from a place of truthful concern, even if you don’t necessarily agree with what they are saying.
• A good listener identifies areas of agreement with the speaker while avoiding the cliché statement: “I know exactly how you feel.” Because you don’t. It ends up sounding insensitive, trite or self-centered. Every situation is different.
• A good listener knows how to treat what is shared with confidentiality. They are trustworthy and sensitive with information and never look to use anything that is shared for any purpose other than good.

Remember that listening is an action word, and though you don’t have to do anything active, just being there with an open ear, a gentle shoulder to lean on, a hug (if appropriate) can mean everything to someone who has something they need/want to talk about.

So, how well do you listen? Maybe you would like to find out more about what we share with our volunteers in training. If you’re interested, it’s never too early to start listening to what the Holy Spirit is telling you. You never know what kind of a difference you could make in someone’s life just by listening to them.

Who Are You? Really?

By Willow Sanders
      Director of Student Services

Character is who you are when no one is looking.

This quote has always been a foundational brick for me.

If Character is who you are when no one is looking…

Integrity, for sure, is who you are when everyone is.

I was really struck by this as I watched T.C. Stallings lead a workshop on being uncompromised in an industry that is all about the word.

It got me thinking of how easily our character can lead us to places of compromise. Places we swear on paper we’d never be led to. No. Matter. What.

The thing is we usually put those as the BIG things on our ‘No-No’ list and completely forget that tons of tiny bits make up a road. And when you hit a pothole, it was because the little parts, collectively laid, gave way together in their formed state.

T.C. shared that he found when he stayed true to the base things he knew to be true about his faith, about God’s Word and about the world, it was much easier to be uncompromised.

It can seem like such a daunting task, right?

You mean I have to watch my life THAT carefully?!

Well, let’s unpack that.

How well made do you want the road that you walk on to be? How structurally sound do you need it to be?

If we only have a character that suits us for the moment but not the integrity to walk it out, major problems can arise. Life has enough of those already, why add to the heap?!

We’ve all seen those roads that are haphazardly patched-frustrating to say the least. Like, just fixed enough to be functional.

Our desire shouldn’t be for our life to be ‘just functional enough’ but rather we should be developing a firm foundation from which we can boldly drive toward the things that will strengthen, equip, guide, and empower us.

Here are a few simple steps to pave the way:

1.    Assess who you are

What character traits do you hold valuable? Who in your life can you look to that possess those qualities? Read up on the topic.

2.     Recognize your surroundings

It can be really hard to hold true to a certain character trait if you are spending the majority of your time with people or things that don’t mimic that. Make sure you have people who believe in and walk out accountability.

     3.     Adjust your course when necessary

If you see that your character (who you say you are or who you believe you are) isn’t matching what you are walking out in small and large ways, then it may be time to do some self-evaluating. This is the time for our walk to match our talk. Not always easy, but always a growing experience!

When we can take steps to connect our character with our integrity we are on the right road to success!

Faithfulness Always Wins!

By Sue Chess

     Executive Director

Eight years ago today, my wonderful Dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.  Forty-eight short days later he would breathe his last labored breath with his family around him as we listened to the Gaither Band sing about Heaven.  I can’t believe my “Dado” has been gone that long!  It seems like yesterday—it seems like forever.  He is buried in the country cemetery on the hill above our summer cabin which is affectionately dubbed “The Schoolhouse”—because that’s what it was over 100 years ago.  My Dad was outspoken and opinionated (that may be where I get it from—sorry, friends)!  His faith in God, his faithful life, his constant love—all of these things helped to shape my belief about God and about life. 

Louie Giglio makes the statement that faithfulness always wins.  He also said that you don’t have to know everything about the mountain to take the next step. If you are faithful you keep going when circumstance get hard.  Even when life fails you—you win because you don’t fail life.  The guiding mantra of my life has been “just do the next right thing.”  How much of that started by watching it modeled in my Dad for most of his life?

It’s hard to imagine what Dad’s reaction would be to what our world has become!  He always spoke his mind but somehow communicated that he loved you and loved life at the same time.  No one got angry with him somehow even though that index would come up as he’d make his point. 

Dad proved Mr. Giglio’s statement that faithfulness always wins when he faced death with courage.  I peeked around the corner as he had one of his last “heart to hearts” with Mom instructing her to lock her doors at night and hold to the faith.  He was quick to tell the nurse that he’d be getting a new body soon, and indeed he has.

 

Here at Care Net we watch our clients face some of the hardest circumstances you can imagine.  Even as this was being written, one client faced a positive pregnancy test knowing she has an abusive boyfriend—now what?  Circumstances can completely obliterate your understanding of how to remain faithful—where’s the next step?  How do you keep going when life gets that hard?  I guarantee you know the very next thing.  It has never failed to present itself when the mountain (circumstance) is faced. Faithfulness is a combining of belief with behavior. 

You take the very first righteous step towards it and God empowers you for the next one.  That is how faithfulness always wins.  Proverbs 3:3-4 “Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good success in the sight of God and man.” 

Such a simple verse, but so challenging to walk it out!  Remembering that faithfulness always wins, take the first step in the right direction.  Then the next.